Missed Opportunites
I found out today that a friend of mine has been going through hell. Literally. The worst part is I knew nothing about it. She was always happy and friendly. I've lived nearby her for a year now and outside of a friendly wave and few message exchanges we have hardly spent time together. Two weeks ago we finally made the time to spend time together and let our kids play.
It was such a great day. We talked, we laughed and I even let her watch my kids for a bit while I took care of some things at home. We were creating a real bond, a real friendship. When we left I told myself, 'this is just what I needed'.
For the last few weeks I have been feeling very down. Like very down. Sad, mad and crazy. Nothing around me seemed right. In fact, I was sure that something was wrong with the world. That I was doing everything the right way and the world and everyone else was in the wrong. I felt Heavenly Father wasn't worth my time because He wasn't helping me through my hard time. I wanted friends and I wanted those friends to make the effort to be my friend. In the last couple of years, I lost my best friend to mere disconnection and it has made me very sad. Ever since then, I've really struggled to find real friends. Not just acquaintance type friends real friends.
Sadly, I have had many opportunities to make real friends and the reality is that I do have several real friends but I was too wrapped up in myself to realize and appreciate those friends. I believe God gives us special talents and one of my talents is to be a friend. I know that because I have always been able to make friends easily. I have always loved people and enjoyed being friends with the friendless. I enjoy serving, it makes me happy to make other people happy.
Unfortunately, I fell prey to the temptations of self-loathing. I went through a challenging time with our move to Virginia and back and have since felt friendless. My husband has been my rock through it all. I have been so focused on my menial challenges that I lost sight of our true purpose on earth; to love one another.
Whilst I was wallowing in self-pity for the last two years and mostly the last few weeks, I have missed several opportunities to serve. Too many to count. Probably even more than I can fathom. The reality and depth of my self-loathing didn't hit me until I saw a police officer parked in the front of my new friend's home. I watched as she hastily gathered clothing and various items from inside of the home and carried them out on her front lawn with help from her brother. I felt helpless as I took care of my three young children. Out of concern, I sent her a message to let her know that I was here to help in any way. No response. Still no response.
After learning from another friend the hell she has been living, I am saddened to think that I could have been there for her but I was too worried about someone being there for me. I just want to hug her and tell her that I am sorry. I want to hug her and tell her that I am her friend. I just want to hug her and tell her thank you for helping me realize what is truly important in life.
It was such a great day. We talked, we laughed and I even let her watch my kids for a bit while I took care of some things at home. We were creating a real bond, a real friendship. When we left I told myself, 'this is just what I needed'.
For the last few weeks I have been feeling very down. Like very down. Sad, mad and crazy. Nothing around me seemed right. In fact, I was sure that something was wrong with the world. That I was doing everything the right way and the world and everyone else was in the wrong. I felt Heavenly Father wasn't worth my time because He wasn't helping me through my hard time. I wanted friends and I wanted those friends to make the effort to be my friend. In the last couple of years, I lost my best friend to mere disconnection and it has made me very sad. Ever since then, I've really struggled to find real friends. Not just acquaintance type friends real friends.
Sadly, I have had many opportunities to make real friends and the reality is that I do have several real friends but I was too wrapped up in myself to realize and appreciate those friends. I believe God gives us special talents and one of my talents is to be a friend. I know that because I have always been able to make friends easily. I have always loved people and enjoyed being friends with the friendless. I enjoy serving, it makes me happy to make other people happy.
Unfortunately, I fell prey to the temptations of self-loathing. I went through a challenging time with our move to Virginia and back and have since felt friendless. My husband has been my rock through it all. I have been so focused on my menial challenges that I lost sight of our true purpose on earth; to love one another.
Whilst I was wallowing in self-pity for the last two years and mostly the last few weeks, I have missed several opportunities to serve. Too many to count. Probably even more than I can fathom. The reality and depth of my self-loathing didn't hit me until I saw a police officer parked in the front of my new friend's home. I watched as she hastily gathered clothing and various items from inside of the home and carried them out on her front lawn with help from her brother. I felt helpless as I took care of my three young children. Out of concern, I sent her a message to let her know that I was here to help in any way. No response. Still no response.
After learning from another friend the hell she has been living, I am saddened to think that I could have been there for her but I was too worried about someone being there for me. I just want to hug her and tell her that I am sorry. I want to hug her and tell her that I am her friend. I just want to hug her and tell her thank you for helping me realize what is truly important in life.
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